so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
