i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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