he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
