Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
