where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
