It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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