took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
