i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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