Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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