i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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