He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
