it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Someone signed my nipple.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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