Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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