If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize