Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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