There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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