So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i've created a new STD.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
