God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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