one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
