watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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