I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
