So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
