I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
