There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
