i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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