From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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