my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
