ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
