I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
