Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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