i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
