i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
