Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
