i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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