be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
