So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize