why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This is classic penis vs brain.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
