good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
