Please don't use social media to get back at me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Life is so much better after having sex.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
