I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
