the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize