Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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