Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
