so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
