Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
