they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
