Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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