Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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