Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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