Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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