An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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