I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
