I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
