So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
