That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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