i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
