Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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