And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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