Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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