My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
