so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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