Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
