i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
