God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
