I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
