ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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