whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
