Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
