somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
