my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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