I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
