no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
