Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
