Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
