the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
