party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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