true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
