best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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