no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
