Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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