worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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