i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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